Writing, Fitness, and Being Wound Too Tight

I realize that I may never make any money writing.  I have pretty much struggled all my life money-wise and know it's possible it could stay that way my whole life.  I hate that but what can I do but keep trying? I know also I could one day strike it rich.  I hope to at least make a comfortable living soon.  That's why I'm going to school.  I suggested Journalism College to a friend today and he said "Not to discourage you but I don't see any money it in."  he might have a point but time will tell.  

Anyway, that's not why I write exactly. Sure, I'd love to get paid for it and I know I'm quite capable of writing that's worthy of getting published, but the main reason why I write is for personal fulfillment. Every time I write a blog I feel accomplished, whereas when I don't write anything I feel like I have just frittered away precious time.  

Another reason I like to write is the idea of leaving something good behind.  That's one of my main goals of life, leaving something of at least a little value for posterity's sake. If I can help people in some small way, who not only live during my time but come after me, then my writing will live on after I'm long gone and contain my energy, will and spirit.  

I guess I ultimately write because I burn to.  I want to get better but wherever I'm at, I feel the dire need to express myself in written word.  So, in such a state, I have pushed myself to continue to at least produce something every day.  In short, I've got the fever.

I'm doing well in my fitness regimen.  I started at 249 pounds a month ago and am now down to 234 pounds.  Fifteen pounds in one month ain't too shabby.  And I've done it the right way by not starving myself, eating healthy and doing regular exercise.  It also helps that I eat very little if anything at night.  On Thursday I hit the gym for the second time this week.  I really pressed it going up 20 pounds in weight on every machine in the line except for one.  I was able to increase my weights that much because the first day I started very light just to make sure my muscles could take it.

School is a scramble.  I have one test and two quizzes on Monday.  The test is in Algebra and the quizzes are in Geology and Topics of Math.  The grades I get on these will be critical to my success this semester.  I'm actually limping through six classes but still have time to turn things around.  I really need to get it together.

I just submitted my application for UF Journalism School a week or so ago and have until March 1 to get my supporting documents turned in.  I'm experiencing some delay with getting my transcripts over from Windham High School.  I graduated from there back in '82, as Uncle Rico would say.  The letters of recommendation are also a little hard to get together at this late hour.  I'm a last minute man and I don't like it.

Hridayananda Maharaja is holding a japa video-conference at my home on Saturday morning but I won't be there.  I have to work and I promised myself I would go back to the gym.  So that's my plan. 

It's so hard to juggle everything in my life right now.  I sometimes feel I am holding on by a thread and then sometimes it gets easier.  The intensity makes me feel a little estranged from people.  It's almost like I can't relax when I get the chance because I have too big of a burden on my back.  Perhaps this is just a little turbulence and things will get better down the road.  I plan to work hard during the summer and hopefully that may relieve some of the financial burden. If I get into UF in the fall, I plan to hit the ground running but not with any crazy schedule like these last two semesters.  I know I said I think balance is an illusion but I could definitely use some right now.  I'm having an inner-ear crisis.

Tonight I hung out at my brother Kesi's and his wife's Veronica's house.  They are artists.  I love artists and would really like to be around creativity all the time.  Shyam, Radha and Kavi were there.  It was fun but I took some time to unwind.  I'm wound way too tight these days.  Kesi and Veronica are on a sculpting marathon where they have to produce 20 weeks of sculpture for a production company in the span of 5 weeks.  It's intense but at least they have work.  

Tonight, I know my writing was a little on the bland side.  I hope some readers found it at least a  little interesting.  I'll try to be more conscious of writing in a more entertaining style in the future.  I have some interesting topics in mind so stay tuned.