Daily Balance is Near Impossible

When I was younger, I pulled all-nighters on days like these but not anymore.  I have my first major exam in Geology tomorrow but I have to acknowledge that right now sleep is more important to my overall well-being than getting a few more points added to my grade.  If I'm not ready for the test by now, I will have to just wait to make it up the next time.  Again, as usual, procrastination has come back to bite me in the ass.  Of course, I could be more prepared than I thought but I am going to lift the burden of worry off of my mind and go on with my life from here.

I took two quizzes last Friday, which I was sure I was going to bomb in; one in Geology and one in International Relations.  To my surprise, I did well on not one (which would have been a big enough surprise anyway), but on both.  I got a 110 on my International Relations quiz (including one extra credit question, and an 85 on my Geology quiz.  I was pretty sure I was going to get under a 60 on both.  Events like that make me think I am destined to get through this semester unscathed.

I went to the gym yesterday and am sore from hitting the weight-machine line.  It felt good, though.  I also walked on the treadmill for 50 minutes. I was unable to go any faster than 4.0 mph because my bum left knee would start aching every time I went into a jog for over one minute.  

Today, I took a two-hour walk from my home to Mother Earth and back.  I saw Chakradhara at the health food store and we decided to eat lunch together at the Book Lover's Cafe, one of the only two pure vegetarian restaurants in Gainesville.  I ordered a Tempeh Reuben sandwich and a salad.  The sandwich had sauerkraut on it and some thousand island vegan dressing.  It was fantastico.  

I picked up Phoebe Snow's 1974 self-titled LP which includes the song "Poetry Man."  The whole album has a bluesy-folk feel.  My daughter commented that Snow has a voice everyone wants; she can hit both the high notes and low notes well.  Listening to it several times, I came to the conclusion that the album still holds up today.  It's very relaxing, soothing and poetic. Perhaps I am so into singer-songwriter woman singers because I still feel sub-consciously bereft due to my mother dying at such an early age.  

Apparently, the label kind of coerced Snow later to try to go more pop in later LP's.  It turned out to be a bad move and she gradually faded into obscurity.  "Poetry Man" remains to me one of the most gracious forbidden love songs I have ever heard; that is if you believe that grace can somehow exist in the realm of infidelity.

After studying my geological butt off for a few hours, Radha and I drove to Alachua to get some kebabs from Sabjimata.  I had been buggin' her, whose real devotional name is Devadeva, about when she would again make some of her famous kebabs.  She was kind enough to put some aside for us after making a batch for some house guests. We met her husband and kids; they have a beautiful family.  Their daughter kept showing me covers of her devotional videos as we waited, while at the same time keeping a safe distance due to her unfamiliarity with Radha and I.   

We also picked some kebabs up for Chakradhara and Hridayananda Goswami. After we said our goodbyes, Radha, my dear daughter and chauffeur, drove us over to Fresh Market to get some of their scrumptious bread.  It was, you guessed it, veggie kebab sandwiches tonight baby.  

Shyam stayed over for a couple nights and he was happy to be able to join a u-20 traveling soccer team.  We ordered some cleats from Eurosport and we took a long look at his chart.  He peered at it intensely and gradually asked for a description of every house, sign, planet and lordship placement  as I was trying to study for my Geology exam.  "I'm going to ask you about everything you know," he said seriously.  "I can teach you but it takes some time," I answered.  

"I want to play soccer," he said "But soccer is trivial.  I want to do something more important with my life."  "Okay," I said.  "Just be sincere and Krishna will reveal everything to you."  He's very concerned about what his major should be.

Govinda, my stepson, recently broke up with his girlfriend who is not a devotee.  She's a very nice girl so it is painful.  The major problem is he has to continue working with her in Architecture School.  It's tough because they are attracted and still care about each other but he is fairly certain that their outlooks on life would not make the relationship work in the long term.  He's very sincere about spiritual life and chants on his japa beads and reads Prabhupada's books regularly. 

I stayed in his apartment alone the last couple of nights because we had to shuffle the sleeping arrangements around while Shyam was here.  While Govinda's apartment has all facility, it does kind of have an isolated feel to it.  "I felt lonely over there," I said.  "I know what you mean," Govinda answered.  "That's why I come and hang out with you guys a lot."   I further thought that life as a writer can be a lonely one.  You have to spend a lot of time by yourself in order to produce anything of value.  When I'm alone is really the only time I can get anything done.  I don't like being alone, however, so I have to balance it.  I need human contact.

I was thinking today that balance on a daily basis is near impossible.  With all the ebb and flow of life that is beyond our control, we have to adjust our sails daily and weekly to more balance out our needs over the accumulated month.  Therefore, I think, to be balanced on a monthly basis is more doable.  Otherwise, we can get too rigid and militaristic trying to stick to a daily routine despite the changing energies that life puts before us.  In short, I'm into going with the flow but at some point I realize I may have to swim against the tide a bit to keep my equilibrium.