Attending the Arlo Guthrie Concert

Friday night I went to the Arlo Guthrie concert at the Phillips Center in Gainesville.  Originally, I asked my daughter and wife if they wanted to go with me.  Both said yes, but I was skeptical.  I called the box office and when I heard there were many tickets left, I decided I would take my chances the night of the show.  Often, I have got into concerts for next to nothing by waiting until the last minute and hanging out.  Anyway, I didn't want to be stuck with tickets because someone had backed out on me.

When Glani found out her guru, Hridayananda Maharaja, was giving a darshan, I knew she wouldn't go to the concert with me.  I asked her a couple of days before and she confirmed it.  "Okay," I thought.  "At least Radha will go."  I asked her again and she reiterated that she did indeed want to go.  "How many times do I have to tell you Dad," she said.  On the morning of the show, though, she started to waver.  Later that day, she seemed intent on going and I was happy.  I don't like to go to movies or concerts or out to eat alone.  I don't think many people do.  It's always much better when to have someone to share the experience with.

 

In the final hour, however, Radha backed out.  For a few minutes I felt stood up.  I thought about not going.  AV and Sri Bhakti were still going to go, though.  But Friday night is their date night and I didn't want to feel like the proverbial third wheel.  Then I decided I would go anyway. Radha understandably wanted to go out with her friends instead of being stuck with her father. Besides, she had some passing interest to see Arlo Guthrie but not enough to invest a whole teenage evening to  in him.   I did really want to see Arlo, and besides, it would give me another experience to write about.  He's 62 and who knows how long he's going to go on touring, anyway.  I had never seen him before and he's the frggin' son of Woody Guthrie, for crying out loud.  He knew Leadbelly and Big Bill Broonzy, and he's a great storyteller.  I couldn't pass it up.

So I went and got there before AV and Sri.  I also arrived before Lalita -sakhi and her friends Madhurya and Vegavati.  I told them I would try to help get them cheaper tickets with my Santa Fe ID.  Later, I felt bad because I actually forgot to help them when they got there.  By then, however, the balcony seats had gone down to $15 for everyone, including non-students, so it would have only made a little difference.  The balcony seats were originally $30 but were only $10 if you had a Santa Fe ID.  A UF ID, could score you a seat anywhere on the floor for only $10.  I had mentioned to Radha and Vrn my idea of using Govinda's ID while we were in school earlier, but they kind of laughed at me as if I looked way to old to pull it off.  

When I got there, I walked around the parking lot a bit to see if there were any scalpers with "Buying" and "Selling" signs.  No one was in sight.  I had pretty much surmised that the show was too small for "ticket service people," as they liked to be called, to bother with it.  I sat down near the door when I heard a man approach a lady and ask her if she wanted a free ticket.  "No, I already have one," she said.  I immediately got up and made myself noticeable to the man.  He looked at me and asked if I wanted it.  "Yes," I said.  "Thank you."  And he was gone.  It was an orchestra seat only eight rows from the stage.  I looked up at the crescent moon with the planet venus in visible conjunction.  It was beautiful and I had a free ticket in my hand.  I was glad I had came.

If Radha was with me, then I would have had to give up the ticket and probably get seats in the rafters.  AV and Sri went up there and they left at intermission, partly because of bad acoustics. I sat next to the guy  who gave me the ticket.  At intermission, he told me someone from his work had given them to him at the last minute and he couldn't find anyone to go with him.  In case he might be gay and had some strange ideas, I told him that my wife and daughter were going to go but decided at the last minute not to.  His told me his name was Eli Santana and that he was from the Domican Republic.  I said I had meant a lot of Dominicans while I was living in the Puerto Rico.  It turned out that we both had lived there at the same time in 1989 and 1990.

I also saw my International Relations teacher and Geology teacher there.  I chatted with Greg Mead, my Geology teacher, who is also a folk musician and he introduced me to his wife.  They were very nice and we chatted for about five minutes or so in the lobby, sharing our knowledge of music.  

As for the concert, it was very enjoyable.  The music was good but I found Arlo's ability to spin a yarn even better.  I arrived a song or two late.  When I finally got in, the first song I heard was  an old New Orleans blues song called "Gambler's Blues."  The chorus of the song rang out "Don't want no corn, peas or black molasses."

The band was five-piece, including Arlo on rhythm guitar.  He also had three lovely sounding sisters from Ithica, New York on harmonies called the Burns sisters.  

Arlo said many funny things.  Before the "Motorcicle Song" he explained that sometimes when he sees creative inspiration coming from the corner of his eye, he gets a paper and pen and readies himself.  On one occasion, he wrote down the line "I don't want a pickle, I just want to ride on my motorcicle," and thought, what a stupid line.  He ended up finishing the song, it became a hit and now he's been forced to sing it for the last 40 years.  "Why didn't the inspiration to write this song go to someone else?" he said.  "Where is Dylan when you need him?"

He talked about Woodstock and said he and his band had to be brought in on a helicopter because the traffic was impassible.  When he looked down he saw an incredible sea of people, a sight that has never been equalled again in his lifetime.  He said he remembered sitting between two cops, one fat and one skinny, and hearing them converse.  "Look at all those people down there," said the fat cop.  "I bet you a lot of them are hippies." "Yup," said the skinny cop.  "I bet you a lot of them are doing illegal things," said the fat cop.  "Yup," said the skinny cop.  "Well, I'm not going to do anything about it," said the fat cop.  "Neither am I," said the skinny cop.  It was at that point that, said Arlo, he realized they were going to have a really good time.

Arlo's voice was a bit gravely but still strong.  The band was unspectacular but decent and the backing vocals by the Burns sisters were great.  I didn't know many of Arlo's songs, save and except the standards like "Coming into Los Angeles," "City of New Orleans," and "Alice's Restaurant Massacre," a 18-plus minute song that he didn't sing.  "Some [songs] we're not going to get to tonight," Arlos said.  "ALICE"S RESTAURANT!" a man blurted out.  "That's one of them," Arlo said.  That disappointed me a little but by that time I was tired and not sure if I was up for the whole duration of that song.  I can understand the monotony he must feel singing a 18-minute song ten months of the year, daily, for four decades.

Arlo also sung several of his father Woody's songs, which were really the highlight of the evening for me.  Woody was the biggest  single influence on Bob Dylan's career and obviously Arlo's as well.  He said that his father was a writing maniac who would go over someone's house and write on everything he could find.  People are still sending some of his original lyrics back to the family.  Arlo claimed that his father wrote over 3500 songs that are still being recorded today.  

About a minute into Woody's famous "This Land is Your Land" song, Arlo stopped and commented on the audience's clapping along.  "Your clapping along is nice but it's really messing me up," he said.  

I'm glad I went, after all; even by myself.

 

Tarot Interpretations: Eight of Cups

The VIII of Cups :

The VIII of Cups generally means a very sad departure or leaving people or places that have been important to us up until now and feeling brokenhearted about it.  With a heavy heavy heart, we choose to leave something meaningful behind in exchange for an unforeseen future. We are not forced to leave but almost feel compelled to.  Of course, every future is uncertain and if one never took a risk, then the possibility of personal growth could be stunted.  At the same time, with this card it is hard to tell if gradual or abrupt change would be for the better.  

Either way, the sadness, as reflected by this card appears inevitable, so we may feel that only time can heal such wounded feelings.  It is by this card, that the nature of separation in the material world is reflected.  Because we are bound and attached to our physical bodies, we become mentally infected by their circumstances of space and time.  When we lose proximity to that or who which we have loved, cherished or taken comfort in, the pain in our heart becomes undeniable.  It is not the piercing and almost irreconcilable pain of the III of Swords, but it is probably duller and heavier.  What is bewildering about this card, is the mental doubt concerning whether we have made the right move.  The pain of the departure leaves a profound aching in a portion of our mind and heart.  Sometimes, bravely going ahead with our plans and working our way through the pain, leads to a greater freedom and a better clarity and appreciation of our life and what the past has meant to us.

In the spiritual sense, this card can remind us of what the soul has left behind in the eternal realm and the heartbreak associated with living a life of repeated birth and death in the material world.  Through such pain, we can better appreciate our birthright and create a yearning in separation to one day go back to our constitutional position in relationship to God.

In terms of personal relationships, this card stands for the crossroads that separates ourselves from a loved one or companion.  While this is indeed painful, it may also open us up to expanding our horizons in the future.  Perhaps we will build new important bonds with others and/or discover a newfound clarity about who we have left behind.   

Meeting with Dr. Horne, Writing, and Dealing With Loneliness

Thursday night I met with my former Advanced Composition professor, Dr. Naana Banyiwa Horne.  I received an "A" in her class, like I have in all my English and writing -related classes, but that "A" was not an easy one.  Throughout most of the semester, I hovered in the B+ range and finally went over the top, I think, with my oral presentation on a paper I wrote called "Calvinism's Contribution to Religious Intolerance in America."  Something had come over me when I stepped to the podium and I spoke about white male patriarchy's sense of entitlement as fueled by Calvinistic philosophy in the New World from the arrival of the Pilgrims up until today with the fervor of a convert.

It is a common belief that America was founded on religious freedom, and in a sense that may be true, but even more so, I believe the evidence is there that the Puritans originally came to New England led by John Winthrop, due to their own religious intolerance towards others.  This overall attitude, which thank God was not the attitude of the core of the founding fathers (otherwise we'd really be in deep shit), led to many atrocities toward people of color, including Native Americans, Africans, Mexicans, and immigrants from the Orient.  It is that same attitude, which spawned ideas like Manifest Destiny I argued, that is the crux of intolerance today against gays and lesbians, as well as people who worship or God outside the Judea-Christian tradition and non-believers as well.  

Whatever you may think of that thesis, I talked to Dr. Horne last night with the idea of getting a recommendation for the UF Journalism College.  It is quite competitive, from what I've been led to believe, so just a 3.85 g.p.a. alone may not cut it.  Yesterday, I finally got word from my Journalism professor Rodney Woehler that he sent a recommendation to the college.  The communication I received via email was cryptic to say the least.  "Done" was all it said.  We went back and forth a couple times until I procured the information out of him that he actually sent the recommendation to the college.  I took his class last semester and found it to be a lot of fun but not an easy "A."

Dr. Horne is a talker, and when I got there for our 5 p.m. appointment, she was slammed with students who wanted to talk to her.  I arrived first but had to wait for three individual students to talk to her because she didn't see me when she came in and I didn't speak up, assuming she did.  After waiting for over an hour, I finally got into her office but didn't get out until almost 10 p.m.  Dr. Horne, is a very personal teacher, who admitted to me from the outset that it is very hard for her to separate her personal life from her professional life in regards to her relationship with her students.  

She vented a bit about two challenging exchanges she had had that day with two specific students and then the conversation turned to writing.  She is a published poet, including two books of poems inspired by her native Ghana called "Sunkwa: Clingings to Life" (1999) and "Sunkwa Revisited: Poems" (2007).  She is also an expert on gender studies and has been published many times in scholarly and academic circles.

During our discussion, Dr. Horne commented that written communication is inferior to oral, spurned on by a student who had stormed out of her class earlier and then demanded a written prompt for an assignment she didn't understand.  Fresh from that discussion, I awoke at 4 a.m. this morning to read Tulasi-Priya's blog on Facebook that one cannot really get to know someone adequately through their writing.  To that I responded in the following way:

I guess the more transparent the author is the better you can get a "glimpse" of him or her but I agree with you (2nd paragraph of "Singing my little songs") in the sense that writing ultimately has its limitations. It's hard to convey a person's  tone, inflection and mannerisms; what to speak of how honest about themselves someone may or may not be.

Although, I do believe that writing has its limitations, I also believe that for some people like myself, who rarely speaks his mind, writing is a way for people to get know the author more. Dr. Horne asked me why I like to write and one of the answers I gave her is because I have both an input and output jack and since they are there, I am compelled to use them.  I was also very introspective and not forthcoming with my feelings from the time my mother first was diagnosed with cancer when I was eight-years-old until around the age of 17, when I first started breaking out of it.  Although, I'm no longer that kind of "shy" person, I find that writing helps me to open up and say things that I would otherwise normally never say.  I also told her that I have the "Fever" and couldn't stop if I wanted to.  Something turned on inside of me about three years ago and I haven't been able to stop. It's like a possession.  Dr. Horne looked at my blogspots and seemed impressed enough to have something to go on outside of her experience with me in class, in order for her to write a compelling recommendation. 

The whole meeting took a while, and I didn't even come out of there with a recommendation in hand  due to her word processing program being on the fritz.  Hopefully, I will be able to collect the remaining pieces needed for my application today (Friday) and turn it in to the College on time.

I woke up early this morning in order to study for my Topics of Math quiz, get my documents together for my application to Journalism College, and do all the regular morning routines of scurrying around the house that I have become accustomed to.  Last night, Radha stayed with her mother, Glani stayed with her mother and Govinda and Shyam all stayed with their mothers.  As a result, I stayed alone.  Although, we are all generally in separate rooms, not seeing anyone around made me feel particularly alone last night.  While I need time alone to write, I realize that sometimes I do not feel very good when I'm by myself, especially at night. At least it is hard to get used to.  I really need a good balance of time by myself and time with people, otherwise I feel bereft. It's hard to admit but I guess it means I'm a social creature like everyone else.  I guess without two important components- namely people and the sun, this world would be very cold, dark and lonely.  Perhaps that's why so many people have an infinity to go to the beach with their friends.  It makes them feel secure.

Paranoid Polaroids and Payne's Prairie Dragging

Time is running out for me to get in all the necessary papers for my UF College of Journalism application.  I am going to Santa Fe college tomorrow to get a recommendation from my Advanced Composition teacher from last semester.  I have not been able to get in touch with my Journalism professor and I am suppose to have at least two referrals.  Tomorrow, I will write some of my other former professors and see if anyone will be willing to help me with such short notice.

I've got the Wednesday blahs again.  I didn't exercise today, save and except for the trip my Geology lab class took to Payne's Prairie.  At some point a girl and boy were playfully flirting ad naseum and my professor turned to me and said "It's just like were in middle school or high school again.  I answered "Apparently," and I think I might have hurt their feelings a little.  Not the guy so much because he was happy-go-lucky oblivious, but perhaps the girl.  So, to make amends I added something stupid, "Sometimes I wish I was 21 again."  "Twenty-one?" the professor said.  "If I know what I know now, then maybe."  

I thought about it for awhile and came to the conclusion that despite my complaints, I rather like my age.  I think I've always liked the age I have been at any particular time because I have grown more as a person incrementally throughout my life..  Sometimes older people fantasize about being younger with the confidence and knowledge they have now and having a field day with the opposite sex but this is no more than movie material to me.  I actually think George Burns was in a movie like that where he went into a nerdy boy's body and suddenly was able to get all the girls based on his know-how, charm and experience.  

The Payne's Prairie trip was nice today but I was dragging.  Apparently, there are more snakes  cited in the rest area off I-75 near Payne's Prairie than any other similar stretch in the world.  I didn't see any and was perfectly fine with that.  The park is 50 miles in circumference and has over 350 different wildlife species including wild stallions, bison, coyotes, and of course, alligators galore.

I didn't exercise beyond the Payne's Prairie trip today because I've been going full throttle lately and needed to give my body time to recover a little.  I think tomorrow morning I will go to the gym and resume my treadmill and weights regimen with added determination.  Another reason I abstained from the gym today was because I basically had classes straight from nine to five and just needed to relax when I returned home.  

As I said before, for some reason I have been getting into a mental funk on Wednesdays because of all the classes but I also find myself in a more contemplative mood as well.  As I have been watching my diet and exercising regularly lately, I feel a new surge of power going through me.  I think I should take advantage of it by increasing my spiritual practices just a little.  Just to give Krishna a little token piece of my day by chanting more regularly would be nice.  I've had the desire in my heart for some time but if I don't act on that desire then it's not worth as much as it could be.  I think, as a fringe benefit, I will become more satisfied in my heart if I do this.  I have been restless lately but I think that is my general nature.  I don't like to settle.  I always feel the need to progress and experience new things.

In that light, I talked to a classmate today who is really into photography.  I told her my problem is that people sometimes get uptight when I'm taking pictures of them.  I don't like to ask others for permission unless I want them to get into the pose mode.  I want something more authentic.  of course, the pose mode can be fine also, but I want both.  I think people get taken aback to see a middle-aged man come up to them and start snapping away.  Even if they know me they are paranoid. "What are you going to do, post this on the internet or something?"  People like their privacy and they can be very self-conscious about how they look.  If they like the picture, however, they become happy.  I wish I had more pictures of myself at certain times of my life but I don't and have no time machine available to go get them.  Still, I guess I have to get used to all this and kind of just trudge on with my snapping.  Panchagauda told me he doesn't ask questions, he just snaps away and acts stupid with a big smile on his face.

The girl I was talking to said that it is easier for her because she has a less threatening appearance as a young girl.  Being a rotund-looking 44-year-old man, people who don't know me could think I'm some kind of pervert or something.  She did say when I get a killer camera people will be more disarmed because I will look professional.  As far as digital-SLR's go, she recommended a Pentax.  I'm going to do some research as I plan to get a nice camera in the summer when the moolah is flowing again.  I want to be well-equipped for Jounalism College.

My American Government exam was pretty easy.  It took me about six minutes, ten minutes tops, to complete it as I was eating a plate of prasadam.  It was so cool to casually eat as I took a test that I actually knew the answers to.  Yeah, this semester has been that bad and I am traumitized.  There were 20 questions and about six extra credit questions.  If you need to take a political science class at Santa Fe College, I recommend Jay Maglio.  Besides giving easy tests he's a cool, intelligent, and mutli-faceted guy.

Tarot Card Interpretations: II of Pentacles

I carry a deck of Universal Waite Tarot cards with me.  I've been reading them for about 15 years now and play with them daily.  I carry them in my book bag, in my car and often sleep with them by my bedside.  I guess you can say that over time I've developed a relationship with them.  I'm not neurotic and certainly not psychotic, I don't believe I even need therapy.  I'm not delusional, or hastily conclusional, nor do I bet the farm on them.  I have just found them accurate, plain and simple, at least when I've handled them.

Anyway, over the years I've developed my own understanding about what each particular card could convey and I have decided to share that here on my blog from time to time.  So, I will start today.  There are 78 cards in the tarot deck- 22 in the Major Arcana and 56 in the Minor Arcana. I will now pick a card and give you my general interpretation of it.  Of course, such interpretations have to be applied to the nature of the question you may be asking.

So, I chose the II of Pentacles for my first explanation.  That is the card that is pictured at the top of this blog.

II of Pentacles:

The II of Pentacles depicts a young man holding a pentacle in each hand with the symbol of eternality wrapped around both of them.  He is standing with one foot up, giving the impression of performing a show, a balancing act, or dancing.  Behind him is the rolling sea, with two ships going up and down on the waves.

To me, this card denotes a carefree existence of wittiness, charm and fun.  It sometimes alludes to someone who is clever with words but not totally serious about the subject matter or situation before him or her.  In this respect, it implies indecision or fickleness, but the mood is so light, that one in the company of such a person would be more likely to enjoy it than be annoyed.  This also indicates a talented person who has difficulty making up his or her mind.  

In the realm of spirituality,  it can mean someone who dabbles in many things but has a hard time sticking to any one discipline.  A jack of all trades, master of none type of person, if you will.  He or she is quite diverse in their knowledge but it can only go to a point because they refuse to put their heart into it enough or delve into it sufficiently to become a expert.  

In matters of love in the material realm, it means someone who is flirtatious but not able to make up their mind about what or who they want in a mate.  It is here where fickleness can drive a potential serious suitor to the brink of impatience.  When there are no serious or burdensome expectations, this can indicate a playful, happy relationship, to the extent of having a good time in the company of the person.

This also can be a card of news, writing, or conveying a message.  It indicates an adaptable person who can adjust to circumstances well and fit in almost anywhere.  They are playful and spontaneous.

I am usually happy when I draw this card.  I hope you are too.

I Love Tuesdays, Exercise Brought to You by Mars, and the Growing Tide of Republican Irrelevance

This semester I love Tuesdays.  Tuesday is a day off and I usually have energy.  Tuesday is also kind of a clean-up, get-myself-together type of a day too.  Glani is doing her thing and I'm doing mine.  Radha is in her room and I might grab her to go grab a bite somewhere or something. Today, I did a couple of loads of laundry, organized my desk, put out the trash and recycle bins for Wednesday morning pickup, hit the gym for a couple of hours, washed the pile of dishes and pots in the kitchen, ate at the Fat Tuscan (soup and salad), wrote two blogs (actually this is my third of the day), cooked kichari, offered and partook, watched Obama and took notes for my American National Government class, played some good music including the Hussys, the Eagles and Phoebe Snow, picked up some natural dandruff shampoo at Mother Earth, unclogged a friggin' clogged toilet (that was a trip), and did an astrology reading for a client in New York among, I'm sure, other things that aren't coming to mind right now.  Am I ramped up on speed or something? No.  I'm ramped up on Mars, which rules Tuesdays.  If you speak Spanish you'll know what I'm talking about it.  After all, it isn't called Martes for nothing.

I felt really good today.  This exercising is paying off.  I'm praying my knee won't give out or something and leave me on the fat-man-sidelines anytime soon.  Moderation is the key.  I'm trying to increase slowly.  So, my energy level is rising but the weight is dropping slowly.  I think part of it is I'm converting some of it to muscle and that stuff really does weigh more.  I'll take that kind of weight without problem.  When I hit the treadmill today, I made sure my heart-rate stayed in the fat-burning zone as opposed to the muscle-eating zone.  The muscle-eating zone sounds like out of a horror movie or something.

I still have to study for my American Government test.  I think I'll do okay but I'll do even better if I study.  There will be extra credit on the test from the Obama speech tonight which I did manage to watch.  I thought it was a great speech.  I liked it when he said that America took a surplus and transfered it to the wealthy while ignoring the rebuilding of America and important issues like health care, alternative energy and education.  How can a rich person enjoy his wealth with a clear conscience when people are not getting adequate health care in this country?  It's an abomination, in my obvious opinion, to make health care such a profit- driven industry.  It's pathetic and symbolizes capitalistic greed gone amuck.  I'm all for free- enterprise but that is absolute heartlessness.  Conservative Christians who are against national health care boggle my mind.  What is the primary thing Jesus did when he was on earth?  Well, healing the sick without charge was definitely up there.  Isn't Christianity suppose to symbolize helping your fellow humans?   Anyway, suffice it to say, I liked what Obama had to say.

I think the Republicans are a bit dazzled about what to do about all this.  President Obama is so charismatic that he has hit rock star status.  He is so competent and  inspiring and the country's state is so dire, that you would have to be pretty much be inhuman to not want to jump on board at least partially, I would think.  It appears that the Republican party as we have known it for years will be taking the back seat of irrelevance for at least a good decade or so, if my intuition on the matter is anywhere near correct.

Monday, February 23

I asked Radha how many Oscars "Slumdog Millionaire" ended up winning.  "I already told you," she said annoyed.  In case you didn't know, Radha is not the best morning person, especially when we're on our way to school.  "No, you didn't," I said.  Radha gets annoyed at me when she tells me something and I forget and then ask her again.  I was upset that she brands me like that because sometimes she's wrong, like this time, for example.  But generally, she's right, my memory is not like it was.  Still, I pointed out to her, it's no reason to be rude.  From there it escalated.  She thought I wasn't giving her a chance to talk and I thought she was being rude and disrespectful.  Finally, I raised my voice and told her to never say the words "I've already told you that" again, especially in that tone of hers.

Later, I felt bad that I yelled and texted her "I love you."  Even later, I told her that even if I completely disagree with her and feel she's being obnoxious, I will not resort to yelling at her anymore.  "I don't care," she responded.  But later in the day she was nice to me again. Probably extra nice.

Shyam had me proof-read a 800-word paper he wrote Sunday night on preparing for a job interview.  I was surprised to only find three minor errors.  It was well-written also.  In the morning he told me he had to make a presentation to the class and was preparing note cards for it.  I told him to make eye contact with the class, praise them, establish his crediblity, and then after referring to each point on the index cards, pause and wing it with a humorous comment.  He seemed to take in what I said pretty well. Later, I saw him in B-building getting ready to "go on stage."  I also saw Syami  who is going to take some Spring-B classes.  He asked me where the assessment building was.

I wrote a letter to Nila Madhava concerning his mother's passing on Saturday and let him know I was there for him if I needed him.  I let him know about my mother's passing when I was 14 and said I know how hard it is to talk about it sometimes.  He wrote back that he appreciated it and told us that his mother liked us a lot and really loved Glani.  He also said he feels relieved that his Mom's suffering was over and was happy to think of her as participating in Krishna's pastimes now.  

I ran four miles, or should I say briskly walked for four miles at the gym on Monday night.  It felt great.  I tried to jog several times during the hour but my knee started hurting.  It was better than previously, though, and I obviously have more energy now.  I held off on the weight lifting until Tuesday.  I want to give my muscles more time to recover from the previous session, after all I'm 44 and not on steroids.  I experienced momentary muscle failure last time on about the eighth machine.  I was taking to it too fast.  Waiting another day will help, I thought. Besides, Tuesdays are ruled by Mars, which rules muscles.  It's a great day for exercise, weight-lifting and physical activity in general.  I'm excited about getting in shape.  I hope to get down to near 210 before the summer and under 200 by the time the fall semester starts in late August.  

Speaking of the summer, I will be doing some traveling with Dhrits, who is a fellow food-enthusiast like myself, so I will have to be vigilant.  Dhrits is hilarious.  He has so many stories to tell of his days in the air force and later as a hippie.  He joined the Hare Krishna Movement in the 70's and explained how an "attractive mataji" invited him to the Sunday Love Feast and how he was partly thinking there might be an orgy.  When I traveled with him two years ago, every night he would call his wife Tulasi and give her the run down on the day.  It was always highlighted by our food experiences, even more so than the money we made.  If Tulasi vented about difficulty dealing with someone Dhrits would say "Don't listen to any of them.  They're knuckleheads," and leave it at that.  At the end of the conversations he would always quickly say "Love you, miss you."

I think I did decently on my Algebra test.  The Topics of Math quiz was postponed until Friday (thank God).  I had to guess my way through the Geology quiz.  It was just matching terms and definitions.  I usually do good on those things without studying because I am pretty good with the English language.  I told my teacher Dr. Mead that I take six classes and by the time I get to my hardest class, Geology, my head is in a fog.  I was hoping to get some sympathy points from him at the end of the semester if it came down to it.  It seemed to initially work as he acted surprised and spoke with a more compassionate tone as he answered a question I had.

Glani and I ate around 3 p.m. at the Fat Tuscan. She didn't want to go but I talked her into it.   The salad and sandwich were pretty good.  Glani liked her veggie sandwich a lot.  I had the Formage a Trois Panini, which of course sounds very suggestive.  The atmosphere is nice and the decor is cute.  Later, I discovered a cool dining area outside replete with brick floor and Italian-style fountain.  I want to take my daughter and eat outside there on a warm day.  They are only opened until 3:30 p.m.

Sunday, February 22

Sunday morning I went for a japa walk with Govinda.  He had put a Amy's pot pie in the oven so he had to head back when we got to Main Street.  I called AV to tell him I was walking and to let me know when he was arriving at my house. "I'm at your porch," he said.  "Want to come pick me up?" I asked.  "No, I'll meet you half way."

So, I headed back and saw his form coming down the hill on SE 2nd Ave, just West of 7th Street.  As I got a little closer I saw that he was in his constitutional form- on the cell phone.  I walked toward him and then heard a cry to my right "Gargamuni!"  A car pulled up from across the lane.  I stepped closer and squinted to see Satyahit replete with sun glasses and looking cool at 66.  He asked me where I lived and I invited him over to check out the homestead.  We called AV over and he jumped in.

As I gave Satyahit the obligatory tour, I laughed, thinking of Larry David refusing to see the tour of Susie's new home on the show "Curb Your Enthusiasm."  "What's the big deal?" he said. "You sleep here, you eat there.  I already get it."  Of course, Susie was insulted.  "Yu're skipping the tour?  Get the hell out, you four-eyed-fuck."  A lot of men I know don't like her foul-mouthed psycho-bitch character but I think it's hilarious.

Satyahit hung out with us awhile, plucked on the guitar and said nice things about our house.  I asked if they wanted to go for another walk.  "Let's go to Maude's, I'll buy," I said.

I praised Satyahit for all the nice service he was doing at Krishna Lunch.  "You lift a lot of heavy buckets," I said.  He said he appreciated it but admitted it gets monotonous sometimes.  

Satyahit and AV were meeting for the first time.  On the way there they talked about a mutual friend they had who lived in Vancouver.  He was one of AV's best friends growing in the gurukula and they traveled all over with each other.  He also roomed with Satyahit.  Instant connection. Emails were exchanged and a nice discussion ensued.

I ordered a hot choclate.  AV got a Mocha, which dwarfed the size of mine.  Satyahit already had a coffee, so he ordered a water which never came.  We sat next to an artist, working on clay and he heard everything with interest- The relative and absolute instructions of the guru, the child abuse that happened at the gurukula's, all the traveling, the old friends, book distribution, etc. I kept glancing over at the artist to see his response.  On the surface he was given access to a fascinating sub-culture, warts and all.  He especially widened his eyes when the talks turned more spiritual.  

Suddenly Trey and Kelly appeared.  Trey on his skateboard and Kelly on roller blades.  They are both part of the seminary program at the Krishna House in Gainesville.  They are young and enthusiastic about Krishna consciousness and they're enthusiasm is contagious.  

They discussed that the current seminary students will be moving out of the ashram soon to make way for more candidates.  It is a wonderful program where students live for a year and learn about Krishna.  On Thursdays, they cook, serve, lead the kirtans and give class themselves. I think the program is awesome. Kelly said she's planning to bike across the country in March of 2010 and stop in Krishna temples along the way.  For the artist, I imagined it was as if an idea for a great novel was coming to his mind.

AV bought some software for $8 so he could transfer my 20,000 plus songs from my iPod onto his iTunes.  It worked surprisingly well.  It took about a day to complete.  I called him up and said "You're the proud new father of 20,000 diverse tunes."

At Shyam's game Muki appeared to hurt his knee very bad late in the second half.  I was sitting next to his cousin Mathura, Kana, AV and Trevor when we all heard the loud "pop" from the sidelines.  I saw his knee bend the wrong way.  Apparently his knee capp popped out of place and didn't go back for some time.  Muki, a tank of a young man, was rolling in the box holding his knee and writhing in pain.  A bunch of firemen from the local fire department carried him to a wheel chair and wheeled him to his car.  His girlfriend drove him off.

I went to Alachua that evening to pick up Radha at Kesi's house.  We stopped at the temple and the place was packed because they were celebrating Shiva-Ratri at the Sunday Feast.  I couldn't stay because Radha felt she wasn't dressed properly.  So, I ran in to buy some prasadam from Muhkya's table.  I couldn't decide on what to choose and started flipping a coin to get an answer.  I get very strange when I'm indecisive.  I left with two plates full for the family to sample, including pizza, lasagna, calzone and cheesecake.  It set me back $11.

We watched the Oscars while I tried to do my homework.  Finally, I had to cloister myself in another room, unable to think straight from the repeated "jai ho's" during the Bollywood-like production from "Slumdog Millionaire."

Super Saturday

Saturday was bustling with activity.  I awoke and attended the Hridayananda Goswami telephone conference which was being broadcast from my home at 8 am.   He spoke on the very interesting topic of the difference between the relative and absolute words of the spiritual master.  Devotees have often made the mistake of anointing anecdotal stories or comments by Srila Prabhupada with absolute truth.  This has caused confusion and fanaticism.  Devotees sometimes think that being a pure devotee makes one materially omniscient, which is not the case.  Srila Prabhupada's opinions and policies on practical matters involving this world obviously evolved over time.  Based on that observation, there is no reason to think they would not have continued to do so if Prabhupada had remained on the planet longer.  To me, the logical conclusion is that we have to grow up as devotees and apply the eternal principles that Srila Prabhupada taught us according to the present time, place and circumstance.  The talk was recorded by Ali Krishna dasi and should be available soon at http://acharyadeva-nectar.pbwiki.com/Recent+Lectures.

Glani prepared a nice breakfast of scrambled tofu, fakin' bacon, english muffins, kale and fruit.  Ali Krsna, Jaya Sita, and Sri Rupa attended in person along with Glani, Govinda and I.  Ali asked me to start to give Vedic astrology classes at the preaching center on Mondays and I told her I was interested and would get back to her.  Later, Glani and I took a nice japa walk with Hridayananda Goswami along with Taruni dasi, a Chineese-bodied devotee from Austrailia.  We looked at a rental room at the Zen Buddhist center in town for some devotee who was coming.  The director of the center was a nice old guy who I later remarked looked like a brother of Charles Manson.  I don't think I ever made HDG laugh so hard.  It wasn't a nice thing to say but I couldn't resist.

I talked to Taruni about her husband's recent passing from a brain tumor.  They had run a preaching center and restaurant together in Austraila and she opened up about the two-and-a-half-year experience of his illness.  I related Glani's recent close call with endometrial cancer and later Glani joined us and talked extensively with Taruni about her experiences.  Taruni is a very good cook and gave us spring rolls she made.  Her husband left his body on December 17th, so she is now trying to get her head together and go on with her life.  It has been a very hard time for her as she is a disciple of Jayapataka Swami and as her husband was going through his final stages, her guru suffered a stroke.  She is an accomplished violinist who used to front a rock band that toured Australia.  

I went home and studied for a bout three hours on up-coming exams and then worked out for almost another three hours at the Gainesville Health and Fitness Center.  I ran the treadmill for an hour, lifted weights, including using a few machines for my core, and then hit the basketball court.

When I went to get the mail I met Marcello, a young neighbor girl who had kind of adopted one of our cats, Mohan, about two years ago.  She is so cute and gives Mohan so much love that it made me feel better about Mohan leaving our house.  He still comes to visit once in a while but sometimes I go for weeks without spotting him.  From day one, Mohan was a different kind of cat.  He used to follow us everywhere like a dog and sit up in the strangest positions like a human.  He was also very athletic and used to catch a tennis ball in mid-air, bringing the ball to his chest with his paws without it touching the ground.  He was a ferocious hunter and used to kill squirrels and birds almost daily.  I once wrote a poem about him which I will post if I can find it later called "My Cat the Killer."  

I told Marcello all about his history including what his name really was and she was so excited. Her mother came over and I told them about the time I drove down University Ave. with Mohan on the top of my van, which was unbeknownst to me.  I heard him screaming and kept looking in the rear-view mirror for an emergency vehicle as I drove down the road at a clip of over 40 mph.  Finally a driver pointed to my roof when I was at a stop light and Mohan jumped off the van into the bushes.  I got him and brought him home.  His heart was racing and he curled up to me on the porch in shock for hours after.  Later, the little girl came by one day and Mohan followed her home.  She gave him so much attention and started feeding him after asking my mother-in-law to buy him so food.  I was always sad that Mohan left but now I feel cool about it. 

Marcello introduced me to her mother Carolina as the real owner of "Kitty-cat" and that his name is really Mohan.  Mohan was originally given to Govinda by his then girl-friend Megan. Megan named him Mohan after Gandhi.  As we talked about the cat's pastimes, Mohan proudly assumed his human pose so I could take a few shots of him.  Carolina told me how Marcello was upset with him killing birds and squirrels so she told Marcello to mentally tell him everyday to stop that and only kill rats.  For the next week Mohan only brought dead rats and mice to their front door.

At night, I went to Santa Fe College to see my nephew Kavi perform at "Stars Night Out."  I didn't have a ticket and it was sold out so I asked Radha to bring the ripped off portion of her and Vrn's ticket out so I could sneak in.  They didn't tear the tickets but took them fully instead.  Apparently Radha couldn't call out so I waited outside like a common criminal.  Vrn finally texted me of the situation and I decided perhaps I would try to talk my way in.  I saw people getting turned away at the door and waited until the gate-keeper's backs were turned and bolted through the doors.  I made it but when I got in there were no seats left.  So, I just stood on the side. I looked for Radha and Vrn but couldn't see them.  I tried to send a text and then an angry looking man who looked like he had some authority approached me.  I thought he was going to kick me out so I prepared for some stupid excuse.  Instead, he admonished me for using my cell phone and asked that I turn it off.  Later, a seat opened up and I took it.  The show was okay but I got there too late to see Kavi's part.  Vrn and Radha said his rendition of "Waiting for Gordot" was the best performance of the night.

Later, Radha, Kavi, Vrn and I went to Chop Stix at Thornebrook Village and had a good time.  Vrn gave Radha a ride to Kavi's and on the way Radha called me and gave me the sad news about Chaitanya-lila's passing.  I teared up and when I got home wrote some thoughts about her on the this blog, which you can find at http://gargsville.blogspot.com/2009/02/sweet-chaitanya-lila.html.

Sweet Chaitanya-Lila

Chaintaya-lila left her body today.  She was a lovely person.  When my daughter told me on the phone I couldn't help but cry.  I was struck more than I thought I would be.  At this stage I expected it to happen but was still hoping for a miracle turnaround.  I just saw her son Nila last Sunday at my son's soccer game and know this must be very hard for him.  Every encounter I ever had with Chaintanya since I first met her twenty years ago was pleasant.  I did some astrology for her over the years and she always impressed me with her good nature despite whatever difficulties she might have been going through.  

My wife was diagnosed with cancer a little after she was.  They bonded and gave each other emotional support for sometime.  Chaitanya gave us a good source to get Essiac tea, a Native American herbal tea blend which is known for its anti-cancer properties.  My wife drank it every day for several months.  

Chaintanya fought the disease and never gave up.  We would visit her and even when she was in pain she would be a gracious host.  She told us she wanted to live for her children and was always positive that she would be cured.  By Krishna's grace, my wife's cancer was caught just in time.  Chaintany-lila's case was more complicated.  She tried various treatments, both naturopathic and conventional,  some worked for awhile but the cancer kept its foot in the door.  When she went down to Hippocrates Health Institute, she had an automobile accident and her tumor was hit.  She spent her time there mostly recovering from the accident.  Over the course of months, her condition worsened and we lost contact with her.  I think it took too much energy for her to communicate so much with people.  She spent her last days in Tampa, in the care of her loving her sister Ballavhi.  By Krishna's arrangement, sweet Chaitanya-lila, who I never heard say a bad word about anyone, left this world today for a better situation as directed by the Lord's inconceivable will.  

Separation is a difficult thing.  We are covered over by illusion and conditioned to think we are these physical bodies.  We have  a hard time realizing the eternality of the soul or at least experiencing it practically.  Our vision is marred and therefore when a loved one leaves us we are sometimes bewildered.  I lost my mother at 14 when she was 52 and it changed the way I looked at life forever.  I was very saddened and I wanted answers.  I became a searcher and wanted to know why we live and die and what the purpose of life was.  In the Bhagavad-gita Krishna says "Never was their a time I did not exist, nor you, nor all these kings; nor in the future shall any of us cease to be." Bg. 2.12  These are comforting words from the lips of Krishna Himself.  When I first heard them I was so relieved.  My instincts were confirmed, the real person does not experience death when the body dies.  

The painful thing for Chaitanya-lila's loved ones will be the separation.  The thought that we will never see her again in this lifetime is heavy.  Of course, we're all standing in line to go through the same experience when our number comes up.  We don't know when that will be but we can be sure it will indeed be called.  So Chaitanya's number was called earlier than we expected but she is really still with us.  Krishna is right next to all of us within each individual heart, so we are also sitting next to each other by His power.  We are packed up together through the potency of Krishna and remain that way even after the body dies.  Chaitanya is now beyond the scope and purview of our limited senses but we will reunite with her one day as we all eventually wake up from this dream of repeated birth and death.

Writing, Fitness, and Being Wound Too Tight

I realize that I may never make any money writing.  I have pretty much struggled all my life money-wise and know it's possible it could stay that way my whole life.  I hate that but what can I do but keep trying? I know also I could one day strike it rich.  I hope to at least make a comfortable living soon.  That's why I'm going to school.  I suggested Journalism College to a friend today and he said "Not to discourage you but I don't see any money it in."  he might have a point but time will tell.  

Anyway, that's not why I write exactly. Sure, I'd love to get paid for it and I know I'm quite capable of writing that's worthy of getting published, but the main reason why I write is for personal fulfillment. Every time I write a blog I feel accomplished, whereas when I don't write anything I feel like I have just frittered away precious time.  

Another reason I like to write is the idea of leaving something good behind.  That's one of my main goals of life, leaving something of at least a little value for posterity's sake. If I can help people in some small way, who not only live during my time but come after me, then my writing will live on after I'm long gone and contain my energy, will and spirit.  

I guess I ultimately write because I burn to.  I want to get better but wherever I'm at, I feel the dire need to express myself in written word.  So, in such a state, I have pushed myself to continue to at least produce something every day.  In short, I've got the fever.

I'm doing well in my fitness regimen.  I started at 249 pounds a month ago and am now down to 234 pounds.  Fifteen pounds in one month ain't too shabby.  And I've done it the right way by not starving myself, eating healthy and doing regular exercise.  It also helps that I eat very little if anything at night.  On Thursday I hit the gym for the second time this week.  I really pressed it going up 20 pounds in weight on every machine in the line except for one.  I was able to increase my weights that much because the first day I started very light just to make sure my muscles could take it.

School is a scramble.  I have one test and two quizzes on Monday.  The test is in Algebra and the quizzes are in Geology and Topics of Math.  The grades I get on these will be critical to my success this semester.  I'm actually limping through six classes but still have time to turn things around.  I really need to get it together.

I just submitted my application for UF Journalism School a week or so ago and have until March 1 to get my supporting documents turned in.  I'm experiencing some delay with getting my transcripts over from Windham High School.  I graduated from there back in '82, as Uncle Rico would say.  The letters of recommendation are also a little hard to get together at this late hour.  I'm a last minute man and I don't like it.

Hridayananda Maharaja is holding a japa video-conference at my home on Saturday morning but I won't be there.  I have to work and I promised myself I would go back to the gym.  So that's my plan. 

It's so hard to juggle everything in my life right now.  I sometimes feel I am holding on by a thread and then sometimes it gets easier.  The intensity makes me feel a little estranged from people.  It's almost like I can't relax when I get the chance because I have too big of a burden on my back.  Perhaps this is just a little turbulence and things will get better down the road.  I plan to work hard during the summer and hopefully that may relieve some of the financial burden. If I get into UF in the fall, I plan to hit the ground running but not with any crazy schedule like these last two semesters.  I know I said I think balance is an illusion but I could definitely use some right now.  I'm having an inner-ear crisis.

Tonight I hung out at my brother Kesi's and his wife's Veronica's house.  They are artists.  I love artists and would really like to be around creativity all the time.  Shyam, Radha and Kavi were there.  It was fun but I took some time to unwind.  I'm wound way too tight these days.  Kesi and Veronica are on a sculpting marathon where they have to produce 20 weeks of sculpture for a production company in the span of 5 weeks.  It's intense but at least they have work.  

Tonight, I know my writing was a little on the bland side.  I hope some readers found it at least a  little interesting.  I'll try to be more conscious of writing in a more entertaining style in the future.  I have some interesting topics in mind so stay tuned.

Like a Zombie and Like a Kid

Today I was a zombie.  I notice when I don't get enough sleep and have a heavy workload I tend to get a little mentally down.  I wouldn't call it depressed, but I would  call it a bit forlorn.  In some ways forlorn is a heavier word.  The dictionary describes it as desolate or dreary, or even hopeless.  I've never really been hopeless, I'm actually a rather hopeful and optimistic person.  I think I'm more like a little kid who gets down when he doesn't get his cookie or something.  It only lasts a few hours or half a day, though, and then I quickly bounce back.  Sleep is very important.  I ask myself why I have allowed myself to take on a ridiculous schedule for some future award?  I have to get out of this habit, otherwise it will be perpetual and I will always be a slave to over-working.  You can't do it all in one day, anyway.  It's better to work at a comfortable pace and gradually build up momentum in your life.  That way, you can actually enjoy it on the way.  What a novel concept.

I stayed up to about 4 a.m. last night (this morning) studying for the Geology test.  This was the price I had to pay for not looking over the notes every other day for 15 minutes to a half-hour.  That's all it would have took.  Instead, I let the anxiety build until it hit critical mass and I had to cram for hours on end.  After about the first hour or two, I started forgetting everything I had crammed in prior, so it kind of an act of futility.  I decided to study more in school and skipped my first three classes.  After one period of studying, I couldn't take it anymore and walked to my car to rest for about an hour-and-a-half.  After that, I felt better, but not that much better.  I then trudged on toward the prasadam table and had some spaghetti.  Kana was sitting on the bench eating and Nitai Diniz (Sri Bhakti's son) was there also.  Glani and Kelly showed up a few minutes later in their nursing-student blue outfits.  I told Glani that I studied for an hour and then slept for an hour.  Nitai smiled and said that's the best way to do it.

I was also irritable today (what is this, true confessions?).  Generally, I'm not an irritable person, really.  The Geology test was hard and then we went to the Florida Museum of Natural History for the Geology Lab.  It was hot in the building and we had to write on our lab sheets answers to various questions in the dark (we were in simulated caves).  It was easy enough, but I was getting dizzy from being too hot and too tired.  A couple of the kids there have taken a liking to me and I'm developing a bit of a rapport with them. One of the kids had followed me to my car at Santa Fe and was very talkative.  He told me his name but I forgot it.  I'm terrible with names.  Later, we both walked from the Hilton on 34th Street to the museum and then back to our cars when it was all over.  The kid is probably around 18 or 19 and I talk to him like he's my age, although I'm 44.  Sometimes it feels weird but mostly it feels normal.  Mentally speaking, by my estimation, I'm really only in my early twenties.  I mean, I have matured but I just don't identify with being old, although my body certainly doesn't feel like it used to.  I still have a lot of energy but I really suffer when I lack sleep.

I enjoy having friends of all ages.  I might prefer the association of younger people more because their thinking isn't so jaded by past ugly experiences.  When I'm walking in school I almost see myself as one of them (the teenagers and kids in their early twenties).  We are all spirit souls after all and therefore are all really the same age.  But when I occasionally look in the mirror, I get a little taken aback.  "I'm walking around in this thing?" I say to myself.  "What a joke."  I think I look okay for my age but I'm a;lso fat (besides being middle-aged) and I can't stand being it.  If I took off enough weight, I'm sure I would look and feel at least ten years younger.  I am Virgo rising vargottama (virgo rising in both the birth chart and the navamsa) which generally lends itself to very good longevity.  Standard astrological texts say that people born under that influence can live past 100.  I know Bob Hope was one such person with that configuration.  The question is do I hate being fat enough to make a long term commitment to getting it off?  I have trimmed down to 237 from about 248 over the last 30 days, so I'm making some progress.  The problem is I'm impatient.  I have to remember that slow and steady wins the race, or loses the weight, as the case may be.

I also think I may be going through some kind of subtle mid-life crisis.  I haven't really put my finger on it but I feel like half my life is gone and I haven't done as much as I wanted to by now. The other thing is, I want to be young, I don't want to grow old.  I'm like a kid who wants every day to be fun.  I am responsible but I don't want to take on so much of a burden that it cripples my happy-spirit.  At the same time, I'm also grateful for the knowledge that I'm not my body and realize the real answer is to pursue the practical realization of that.  But I want both.  I want to gradually realize who I am beyond this body and find a nice cruising altitude to have a good time in this world on my way.  This is certainly not nrvrti-marga, or the path of strict renunciation  but I like to look at renunciation in the sense of yukta-vairagya, or dovetailing all aspects of my life in the service of the Supreme.  Such a process can spiritualize what on the surface may appear as run of the mill mundane pursuits and desires.  I must admit,  I have too strong of a Venus in my astrological chart to approach it any other way at this time of my life.  

Daily Balance is Near Impossible

When I was younger, I pulled all-nighters on days like these but not anymore.  I have my first major exam in Geology tomorrow but I have to acknowledge that right now sleep is more important to my overall well-being than getting a few more points added to my grade.  If I'm not ready for the test by now, I will have to just wait to make it up the next time.  Again, as usual, procrastination has come back to bite me in the ass.  Of course, I could be more prepared than I thought but I am going to lift the burden of worry off of my mind and go on with my life from here.

I took two quizzes last Friday, which I was sure I was going to bomb in; one in Geology and one in International Relations.  To my surprise, I did well on not one (which would have been a big enough surprise anyway), but on both.  I got a 110 on my International Relations quiz (including one extra credit question, and an 85 on my Geology quiz.  I was pretty sure I was going to get under a 60 on both.  Events like that make me think I am destined to get through this semester unscathed.

I went to the gym yesterday and am sore from hitting the weight-machine line.  It felt good, though.  I also walked on the treadmill for 50 minutes. I was unable to go any faster than 4.0 mph because my bum left knee would start aching every time I went into a jog for over one minute.  

Today, I took a two-hour walk from my home to Mother Earth and back.  I saw Chakradhara at the health food store and we decided to eat lunch together at the Book Lover's Cafe, one of the only two pure vegetarian restaurants in Gainesville.  I ordered a Tempeh Reuben sandwich and a salad.  The sandwich had sauerkraut on it and some thousand island vegan dressing.  It was fantastico.  

I picked up Phoebe Snow's 1974 self-titled LP which includes the song "Poetry Man."  The whole album has a bluesy-folk feel.  My daughter commented that Snow has a voice everyone wants; she can hit both the high notes and low notes well.  Listening to it several times, I came to the conclusion that the album still holds up today.  It's very relaxing, soothing and poetic. Perhaps I am so into singer-songwriter woman singers because I still feel sub-consciously bereft due to my mother dying at such an early age.  

Apparently, the label kind of coerced Snow later to try to go more pop in later LP's.  It turned out to be a bad move and she gradually faded into obscurity.  "Poetry Man" remains to me one of the most gracious forbidden love songs I have ever heard; that is if you believe that grace can somehow exist in the realm of infidelity.

After studying my geological butt off for a few hours, Radha and I drove to Alachua to get some kebabs from Sabjimata.  I had been buggin' her, whose real devotional name is Devadeva, about when she would again make some of her famous kebabs.  She was kind enough to put some aside for us after making a batch for some house guests. We met her husband and kids; they have a beautiful family.  Their daughter kept showing me covers of her devotional videos as we waited, while at the same time keeping a safe distance due to her unfamiliarity with Radha and I.   

We also picked some kebabs up for Chakradhara and Hridayananda Goswami. After we said our goodbyes, Radha, my dear daughter and chauffeur, drove us over to Fresh Market to get some of their scrumptious bread.  It was, you guessed it, veggie kebab sandwiches tonight baby.  

Shyam stayed over for a couple nights and he was happy to be able to join a u-20 traveling soccer team.  We ordered some cleats from Eurosport and we took a long look at his chart.  He peered at it intensely and gradually asked for a description of every house, sign, planet and lordship placement  as I was trying to study for my Geology exam.  "I'm going to ask you about everything you know," he said seriously.  "I can teach you but it takes some time," I answered.  

"I want to play soccer," he said "But soccer is trivial.  I want to do something more important with my life."  "Okay," I said.  "Just be sincere and Krishna will reveal everything to you."  He's very concerned about what his major should be.

Govinda, my stepson, recently broke up with his girlfriend who is not a devotee.  She's a very nice girl so it is painful.  The major problem is he has to continue working with her in Architecture School.  It's tough because they are attracted and still care about each other but he is fairly certain that their outlooks on life would not make the relationship work in the long term.  He's very sincere about spiritual life and chants on his japa beads and reads Prabhupada's books regularly. 

I stayed in his apartment alone the last couple of nights because we had to shuffle the sleeping arrangements around while Shyam was here.  While Govinda's apartment has all facility, it does kind of have an isolated feel to it.  "I felt lonely over there," I said.  "I know what you mean," Govinda answered.  "That's why I come and hang out with you guys a lot."   I further thought that life as a writer can be a lonely one.  You have to spend a lot of time by yourself in order to produce anything of value.  When I'm alone is really the only time I can get anything done.  I don't like being alone, however, so I have to balance it.  I need human contact.

I was thinking today that balance on a daily basis is near impossible.  With all the ebb and flow of life that is beyond our control, we have to adjust our sails daily and weekly to more balance out our needs over the accumulated month.  Therefore, I think, to be balanced on a monthly basis is more doable.  Otherwise, we can get too rigid and militaristic trying to stick to a daily routine despite the changing energies that life puts before us.  In short, I'm into going with the flow but at some point I realize I may have to swim against the tide a bit to keep my equilibrium.  

Bathroom Meditations

I know no one wants to get germs in the public bathroom but it's downright rude not to flush the toilet or urinal after you use it.  I don't enjoy peeing into your pee.  There's something intrinsically weird about it.  I know it's left your body and it's left mine but it still feels perverse and it should not be practiced.  I don't desire to inhale the fumes of your urine while I'm urinating either. The possibility of backsplash is also worrisome.  Also, I don't think I should have to flush your urine before I proceed.  Sometimes, I'm even in line behind you and you don't flush. You just walk away and look at me as if everything's cool.  It's not cool.  Flush the damn toilet, you animal.  Disgusting.

I always feel a little guilty about being the first to use the toilet after someone washes it.  At a public bathroom there is no guilt.  I'm totally ecstatic that I have come across a clean toilet. But if it's at my house or one of my friends, I feel like I'm defacing the purity or something. Sometimes, it looks so sparkling clean that it seems a shame to use it for what it was intended for.

The body is a container filled with some pretty disgusting substances, if you really think about it.  We walk around and shake people's hands when we are introduced to them, while they and we have all that stuff in us that we regularly make an effort to expel from our bodies and vanquish from our sight.  Every hole of the body is an outlet for something undesirable.  I don't need to get into these undesirable substances here but suffice it to say, their valuable essence has been pretty much been extracted out of them and the worst of the worst, the stuff that the body has no use for, is thrown out into the waiting world.

Actually, the body takes delicious-looking foodstuffs (if they didn't look delicious, there would not be so much motivation for eating) and basically takes what it can out of them, turning the rest into purely unwanted materials.  Okay, I will mention some of this stuff just to get my point across: ear wax, vomit, feces, urine, saliva, snot, etc.  There are many more but you already know all these and I'm sure you get the picture.  We are basically walking around brimming full of all this stuff and trying to be attractive, with not much really separating each other from this "stuff" other than our skin.  And the funny thing is. we often are attracted to each other.  Very attracted.  So much so that we lose our minds for a while in the process.  The "skin-wrapping" makes it all okay  and even very desirable.   I guess that's a good argument for gift-wrapping presents.  It just makes it all seem so much better than it really is.