Radha Gets Her License, Veggie Sausage and the Bat Cave

I didn't go to the gym today because I was so tired after eight hours of school, part of which I crawled on my belly in Newbury's "Bat Cave."  I was wiped out when I got home and dirty as a skunk who had just wrestled a pig.  Tomorrow, I'm going to hit the gym hard while Radha is taken her F-Cat's at Santa Fe College.  I am now craving workouts.  Pretty, pretty, pretty good, as Larry David would say.

Yesterday, I accompanied Radha to get her driver's license.  Getting your license is a big thing for a kid.  I guess it's big for anyone.  I got mine over 30 years ago and still remember it to this day.  I started the driving part of the test out by going too far past the stop line while pulling out of the Motor Vehicle Department in Willimantic, Connecticut.  "Not a good start so far," the driving instructor said.  I quickly recovered and got my license.  Back in Gainesville in 2009, I told the clerk my daughter didn't like getting her picture taken and the clerk responded by trying to hold her hands so I could snap a picture.  It didn't work.  I then told Radha she  shouldn't try to stop me from catching the "precious moments."  Finally, she agreed to let me snap some pictures on the condition I would not post them for now on without her approval. She's sleeping right now, so, as I cannot ask for her approval before deadline, I have included two or three here for your viewing pleasure.

I've been listening to a lot of Steely Dan lately.  They were so good in the early seventies and are so underrated.  The combination of their musicianship, jazzy-rock sound, smooth yet cool vocals and Dylanesque lyrics relaxes me and simultaneously stimulates my mind.

I got a 125 on my American Government exam.  I never got 25 points of extra-credit on a test before.  Professor Maggio is cool, no doubt.

On Monday, I bought seven of Sabjimata's veggie sausages.  Today (Wednesday), they are officially gone.  I cooked one up for Vrn with tomato sauce, cheddar cheese and green olives.  It looked delicious but I did not partake due to it being too late in the day for my dietary considerations.  I can confidently say, they are the best veggie sausages I have ever ate. Write that down, as it's coming from a man with a lot of food experience.  Vrn seemed to like the collaboration and said the green olives gave it the kick it needed.

I think I said this before but Wednesday school is so difficult- I go through four classes and then trudge on to four more hours of Geology afterwards.  Aagghh!  At least the three hour lab part is generally cool.  We descended into the Bat Cave in Newbury today.  It is cold and dark down there, yet there is still a whole eco-system.  I'm sure glad I'm a human being and not a bat.  I really like the sun light.  While we were inside, I imagined being trapped down there forever.  If that would have happened, the "cool" bat cave would have quickly become a hellish prison.

Tarot Interpretations: Eight of Wands

VIII of Wands:

Represents, as in the picture, a flight of wands, or rods, or even arrows in the open air toward a particular destination.  They are like guided missiles that signify that something is immediately at hand or just on the verge of occurring.  

It can be likened to a messenger that brings news to light.  The green sprouts that are shown on the wands suggests that the nature of the event is new.  This is not the kind of news that one has to be patient to wait for.  Either, it will come to the inquisitor's knowledge in almost no time, or it is currently acting upon an element for which the questioner is asking.  Whatever the case, this card signifies that it is too late to try to avoid, for the action is already in motion; the arrows have been released.  Generally, there is no need to try to avert it, as the event at hand is more often than not considered positive, unless surrounded by negative cards in a reading. 

This card is pretty much the only card in the tarot deck that intimates without doubt that an event is promptly to come.  

From the romantic point of view, this card indicates that new bonds are immediately at hand or existing relationships have become transformed for the better by some particular event.  It is also the arrows of cupid.  When seen in reverse, it can indicate events that invoke jealousies in either the questioner or the subject of the reading.

Spiritually speaking, this card signifies epiphanies and realizations that herald new eras of activity and higher consciousness in spiritual life.  

Damn Tangents

 

Going on tangents can be a big-time enemy of being productive.  This morning, I was sitting at my desk studying for tomorrow's International Relations test, when it entered my mind again that I don't know where my camera is and that it could be in a recycling bag that I brought with me to school yesterday.  So, I left my desk, picked up the bag and brought it over to my bed.  As I was emptying out to find no camera, the slight disappointment of it not being in there was curbed by my sudden compulsion to make the bed.  "Didn't I tell myself that I would make my bed and shower as soon as I got up in the morning for now on?" I thought.  So, I re-stuffed the bag (with stuff that needs to be taken out of the bag again and put into their proper places), quickly made the bed, and proceeded into the bathroom to take a shower.  

As I climbed in the shower after the water reached my desired temperature of as cold as I could stand (lukewarm), I started thinking about what I had to do that day.  "Let's see, I have to bring Radha to get her license today (Oh my God, what does this mean?  Is she going to be fighting to use my car? Is she going to fight to use Shyam's vehicle? How much is the insurance going to go up? She's a good driver but how much anxiety will I be feeling for her safety when she first starts driving on her own?)"  By the time I had rinsed off the slight lather I worked myself into I thought about the notion of my kids having kids and going through similar anxieties.  I then thought about the cycle of life.  How we are attached to our parents and want to do everything with them when we are really young, then later, we get annoyed by them a lot, eventually we want to get away from them and when we find the first love in our life it is more intense than what we felt for our parents.  Then, we are driven to make our way in the world and find a suitable mate, etc.  When we have children, the love we have for them is even more powerful, and then we watch them gradually go through all the stages we went through as we get older and less and less relevant in the eyes of younger generations.  

Relevancy in the eyes of younger generations?  "That's an interesting concept," I thought.  It is so rare to find someone that stays relevant and can still impart his or her experience and wisdom to others.  "That's how I would like to be."  Then, I started to try to find examples of people who did that all their lives.  As I got out of the bathroom I ran over to my desk to write all these ideas down (the ones I would be able to remember).  "Maybe this stuff will yield a blog or something." 

As I started writing it all down, I couldn't help but notice how cold it was in the room.  So, I went to turn the heat on and subsequently got dressed.  When I finally got on the first phase of my attire for the day (around the house shorts and tee-shirt), I remembered that I had bought some organic, not-from concentrate orange juice and could sure use some right now.  I only drink orange juice in the morning, and I often remember I bought it when it is too late in the day.  I love when I remember something at the right time, though.  It always seems like I remember something time-sensitive at the wrong time and days go by before I can utilize it.  

Anyway, I jogged into the other apartment to get the juice and Glani was just getting up.  "What are your plans for today?" she asked.  "Well, I have to bring Radha to get her license at noon, I have to make plans for the weekend (hotel reservations etc. for my trip to Atlanta), I want to go to the gym and I'm aching to write a blog. Why?" I asked.  "I need some help with my International Relations class."  "Oh my God," I thought.  "I have a big-time test tomorrow and even though I started studying about a half-hour or so ago, I completely forgot about it.  I was just contently studying that crap a little while ago.  Damn tangents."

So, the question that naturally arises in my mind, is how can I become more focused and diligent in getting things done in a more linear fashion?  Well, the first thing, I would think, would be to prioritize the night before by writing down the list of things that must be done the next day.  Perhaps, I could even give myself a head start by organizing the things that need to be worked on the night before so I can hit the ground running in the morning.  It wouldn't hurt to lay my clothes out or make my japa beads prominent so I could even take a little jaunt before I get started in the so-called "important matters of the day."

Another thing would be to delegate a certain amount of time for my various tasks.  You know, make a little schedule.  Not that it has to be so rigid and inflexible that I feel like I'm in the military but I have to manage my time or it will manage me even more than it already is (like growing old and eventually dying).  

As I enter into each task, I should also know my objective and proposed outcome so I am better able to focus on what I am doing.  To get bounced around the house like a pinball may give some frenetic excitement, but that generally comes of its own accord anyway by unforeseen circumstances and I should try to quell it as much as possible.  People who don't quell it are the kind of people who end up burning their lunch regularly and end up spending half their time looking for things that they never should have lost track of in the first place.  Like their friggin' keys. Speaking of which, this lost camera situation is still really annoying me in the back of my mind.

Gradually Losing My Fatness

After coming back from the gym today, I weighed in at 231 pounds.  I have now lost 18 pounds in about five or six weeks.  I want to at least get under 200 pounds and realize I still have a long way to go.  I have made some progress and am really starting to feel a tangible difference in terms of strength and energy.  I can't believe I weighed 249 pounds.  Oh my God.  Later, I hope to be able to say that about 231 pounds. 

I'm trying not to concentrate too much on long term goals.  I talked to a woman today who told me she needed to lose 40 pounds.  If I was to overly concentrate on my long term goals I would probably get discouraged.  It's a gradual process and patience is really needed to get the job done.  Just like an alcoholic, I have to take one day at a time and make sure I exercise regularly, both aerobically and anaerobically. Sounds like a pep-talk for fat-aholics anonymous.

If I wasn't lifting weights, the pounds may have fell faster up until now, I don't know.  The reason for this would be because muscle weighs more than fat does.  I'm definitely getting stronger from hitting the weights three times a week, though.  This has also helped to strengthen my knee, which is now able to take more of a pounding on the treadmill.  Fat also is burned more during the day as a result of lifting weights.  It increases the metabolism and I don't fear so much that whatever I eat will turn to fat now.  I have increased the lifting gradually.  I started light to make sure I didn't pull something and put myself out of commission.   Then I would have got depressed and stuffed my face and you know the rest. Every time I hit the line, I go up about four pounds for each machine.  Now, I don't feel very sore the next day like I did at the beginning and I think my body is healing faster between sessions.

Another great fringe benefit from the exercising is I feel more up mentally.  When you exercise, endorphins are released in the brain, and a natural high occurs.  Some people don't want to shell out the extra dockets to join a gym but if you actually use it it's more than worth it in my opinion.  What is more valuable in this world than your health?  Not much.  Probably only the love you give to others.  I have realized the worst thing I can do for my loved ones is to die prematurely because I was too damn lazy to exercise.  

My regimen now is I go to the gym three or four times a week and in between I take walks around the neighborhood or on a nature trails in the area.  This keeps up the variety and makes things more interesting for me.  I try to take it easy at least one day a week to give my body time to rest.  Anyway, so far so good.  I can't get complacent.  The momentum is building and I am seeing results.  I just have to keep it up and not get overwhelmed by impatience.  It took a long time to eat and not exercise my way to this fatness; I can't expect to get back to where I want to overnight.  I have to keep reminding myself to continue because I know it's so easy to fall back into bad habits.

Attending the Arlo Guthrie Concert

Friday night I went to the Arlo Guthrie concert at the Phillips Center in Gainesville.  Originally, I asked my daughter and wife if they wanted to go with me.  Both said yes, but I was skeptical.  I called the box office and when I heard there were many tickets left, I decided I would take my chances the night of the show.  Often, I have got into concerts for next to nothing by waiting until the last minute and hanging out.  Anyway, I didn't want to be stuck with tickets because someone had backed out on me.

When Glani found out her guru, Hridayananda Maharaja, was giving a darshan, I knew she wouldn't go to the concert with me.  I asked her a couple of days before and she confirmed it.  "Okay," I thought.  "At least Radha will go."  I asked her again and she reiterated that she did indeed want to go.  "How many times do I have to tell you Dad," she said.  On the morning of the show, though, she started to waver.  Later that day, she seemed intent on going and I was happy.  I don't like to go to movies or concerts or out to eat alone.  I don't think many people do.  It's always much better when to have someone to share the experience with.

 

In the final hour, however, Radha backed out.  For a few minutes I felt stood up.  I thought about not going.  AV and Sri Bhakti were still going to go, though.  But Friday night is their date night and I didn't want to feel like the proverbial third wheel.  Then I decided I would go anyway. Radha understandably wanted to go out with her friends instead of being stuck with her father. Besides, she had some passing interest to see Arlo Guthrie but not enough to invest a whole teenage evening to  in him.   I did really want to see Arlo, and besides, it would give me another experience to write about.  He's 62 and who knows how long he's going to go on touring, anyway.  I had never seen him before and he's the frggin' son of Woody Guthrie, for crying out loud.  He knew Leadbelly and Big Bill Broonzy, and he's a great storyteller.  I couldn't pass it up.

So I went and got there before AV and Sri.  I also arrived before Lalita -sakhi and her friends Madhurya and Vegavati.  I told them I would try to help get them cheaper tickets with my Santa Fe ID.  Later, I felt bad because I actually forgot to help them when they got there.  By then, however, the balcony seats had gone down to $15 for everyone, including non-students, so it would have only made a little difference.  The balcony seats were originally $30 but were only $10 if you had a Santa Fe ID.  A UF ID, could score you a seat anywhere on the floor for only $10.  I had mentioned to Radha and Vrn my idea of using Govinda's ID while we were in school earlier, but they kind of laughed at me as if I looked way to old to pull it off.  

When I got there, I walked around the parking lot a bit to see if there were any scalpers with "Buying" and "Selling" signs.  No one was in sight.  I had pretty much surmised that the show was too small for "ticket service people," as they liked to be called, to bother with it.  I sat down near the door when I heard a man approach a lady and ask her if she wanted a free ticket.  "No, I already have one," she said.  I immediately got up and made myself noticeable to the man.  He looked at me and asked if I wanted it.  "Yes," I said.  "Thank you."  And he was gone.  It was an orchestra seat only eight rows from the stage.  I looked up at the crescent moon with the planet venus in visible conjunction.  It was beautiful and I had a free ticket in my hand.  I was glad I had came.

If Radha was with me, then I would have had to give up the ticket and probably get seats in the rafters.  AV and Sri went up there and they left at intermission, partly because of bad acoustics. I sat next to the guy  who gave me the ticket.  At intermission, he told me someone from his work had given them to him at the last minute and he couldn't find anyone to go with him.  In case he might be gay and had some strange ideas, I told him that my wife and daughter were going to go but decided at the last minute not to.  His told me his name was Eli Santana and that he was from the Domican Republic.  I said I had meant a lot of Dominicans while I was living in the Puerto Rico.  It turned out that we both had lived there at the same time in 1989 and 1990.

I also saw my International Relations teacher and Geology teacher there.  I chatted with Greg Mead, my Geology teacher, who is also a folk musician and he introduced me to his wife.  They were very nice and we chatted for about five minutes or so in the lobby, sharing our knowledge of music.  

As for the concert, it was very enjoyable.  The music was good but I found Arlo's ability to spin a yarn even better.  I arrived a song or two late.  When I finally got in, the first song I heard was  an old New Orleans blues song called "Gambler's Blues."  The chorus of the song rang out "Don't want no corn, peas or black molasses."

The band was five-piece, including Arlo on rhythm guitar.  He also had three lovely sounding sisters from Ithica, New York on harmonies called the Burns sisters.  

Arlo said many funny things.  Before the "Motorcicle Song" he explained that sometimes when he sees creative inspiration coming from the corner of his eye, he gets a paper and pen and readies himself.  On one occasion, he wrote down the line "I don't want a pickle, I just want to ride on my motorcicle," and thought, what a stupid line.  He ended up finishing the song, it became a hit and now he's been forced to sing it for the last 40 years.  "Why didn't the inspiration to write this song go to someone else?" he said.  "Where is Dylan when you need him?"

He talked about Woodstock and said he and his band had to be brought in on a helicopter because the traffic was impassible.  When he looked down he saw an incredible sea of people, a sight that has never been equalled again in his lifetime.  He said he remembered sitting between two cops, one fat and one skinny, and hearing them converse.  "Look at all those people down there," said the fat cop.  "I bet you a lot of them are hippies." "Yup," said the skinny cop.  "I bet you a lot of them are doing illegal things," said the fat cop.  "Yup," said the skinny cop.  "Well, I'm not going to do anything about it," said the fat cop.  "Neither am I," said the skinny cop.  It was at that point that, said Arlo, he realized they were going to have a really good time.

Arlo's voice was a bit gravely but still strong.  The band was unspectacular but decent and the backing vocals by the Burns sisters were great.  I didn't know many of Arlo's songs, save and except the standards like "Coming into Los Angeles," "City of New Orleans," and "Alice's Restaurant Massacre," a 18-plus minute song that he didn't sing.  "Some [songs] we're not going to get to tonight," Arlos said.  "ALICE"S RESTAURANT!" a man blurted out.  "That's one of them," Arlo said.  That disappointed me a little but by that time I was tired and not sure if I was up for the whole duration of that song.  I can understand the monotony he must feel singing a 18-minute song ten months of the year, daily, for four decades.

Arlo also sung several of his father Woody's songs, which were really the highlight of the evening for me.  Woody was the biggest  single influence on Bob Dylan's career and obviously Arlo's as well.  He said that his father was a writing maniac who would go over someone's house and write on everything he could find.  People are still sending some of his original lyrics back to the family.  Arlo claimed that his father wrote over 3500 songs that are still being recorded today.  

About a minute into Woody's famous "This Land is Your Land" song, Arlo stopped and commented on the audience's clapping along.  "Your clapping along is nice but it's really messing me up," he said.  

I'm glad I went, after all; even by myself.

 

Tarot Interpretations: Eight of Cups

The VIII of Cups :

The VIII of Cups generally means a very sad departure or leaving people or places that have been important to us up until now and feeling brokenhearted about it.  With a heavy heavy heart, we choose to leave something meaningful behind in exchange for an unforeseen future. We are not forced to leave but almost feel compelled to.  Of course, every future is uncertain and if one never took a risk, then the possibility of personal growth could be stunted.  At the same time, with this card it is hard to tell if gradual or abrupt change would be for the better.  

Either way, the sadness, as reflected by this card appears inevitable, so we may feel that only time can heal such wounded feelings.  It is by this card, that the nature of separation in the material world is reflected.  Because we are bound and attached to our physical bodies, we become mentally infected by their circumstances of space and time.  When we lose proximity to that or who which we have loved, cherished or taken comfort in, the pain in our heart becomes undeniable.  It is not the piercing and almost irreconcilable pain of the III of Swords, but it is probably duller and heavier.  What is bewildering about this card, is the mental doubt concerning whether we have made the right move.  The pain of the departure leaves a profound aching in a portion of our mind and heart.  Sometimes, bravely going ahead with our plans and working our way through the pain, leads to a greater freedom and a better clarity and appreciation of our life and what the past has meant to us.

In the spiritual sense, this card can remind us of what the soul has left behind in the eternal realm and the heartbreak associated with living a life of repeated birth and death in the material world.  Through such pain, we can better appreciate our birthright and create a yearning in separation to one day go back to our constitutional position in relationship to God.

In terms of personal relationships, this card stands for the crossroads that separates ourselves from a loved one or companion.  While this is indeed painful, it may also open us up to expanding our horizons in the future.  Perhaps we will build new important bonds with others and/or discover a newfound clarity about who we have left behind.   

Meeting with Dr. Horne, Writing, and Dealing With Loneliness

Thursday night I met with my former Advanced Composition professor, Dr. Naana Banyiwa Horne.  I received an "A" in her class, like I have in all my English and writing -related classes, but that "A" was not an easy one.  Throughout most of the semester, I hovered in the B+ range and finally went over the top, I think, with my oral presentation on a paper I wrote called "Calvinism's Contribution to Religious Intolerance in America."  Something had come over me when I stepped to the podium and I spoke about white male patriarchy's sense of entitlement as fueled by Calvinistic philosophy in the New World from the arrival of the Pilgrims up until today with the fervor of a convert.

It is a common belief that America was founded on religious freedom, and in a sense that may be true, but even more so, I believe the evidence is there that the Puritans originally came to New England led by John Winthrop, due to their own religious intolerance towards others.  This overall attitude, which thank God was not the attitude of the core of the founding fathers (otherwise we'd really be in deep shit), led to many atrocities toward people of color, including Native Americans, Africans, Mexicans, and immigrants from the Orient.  It is that same attitude, which spawned ideas like Manifest Destiny I argued, that is the crux of intolerance today against gays and lesbians, as well as people who worship or God outside the Judea-Christian tradition and non-believers as well.  

Whatever you may think of that thesis, I talked to Dr. Horne last night with the idea of getting a recommendation for the UF Journalism College.  It is quite competitive, from what I've been led to believe, so just a 3.85 g.p.a. alone may not cut it.  Yesterday, I finally got word from my Journalism professor Rodney Woehler that he sent a recommendation to the college.  The communication I received via email was cryptic to say the least.  "Done" was all it said.  We went back and forth a couple times until I procured the information out of him that he actually sent the recommendation to the college.  I took his class last semester and found it to be a lot of fun but not an easy "A."

Dr. Horne is a talker, and when I got there for our 5 p.m. appointment, she was slammed with students who wanted to talk to her.  I arrived first but had to wait for three individual students to talk to her because she didn't see me when she came in and I didn't speak up, assuming she did.  After waiting for over an hour, I finally got into her office but didn't get out until almost 10 p.m.  Dr. Horne, is a very personal teacher, who admitted to me from the outset that it is very hard for her to separate her personal life from her professional life in regards to her relationship with her students.  

She vented a bit about two challenging exchanges she had had that day with two specific students and then the conversation turned to writing.  She is a published poet, including two books of poems inspired by her native Ghana called "Sunkwa: Clingings to Life" (1999) and "Sunkwa Revisited: Poems" (2007).  She is also an expert on gender studies and has been published many times in scholarly and academic circles.

During our discussion, Dr. Horne commented that written communication is inferior to oral, spurned on by a student who had stormed out of her class earlier and then demanded a written prompt for an assignment she didn't understand.  Fresh from that discussion, I awoke at 4 a.m. this morning to read Tulasi-Priya's blog on Facebook that one cannot really get to know someone adequately through their writing.  To that I responded in the following way:

I guess the more transparent the author is the better you can get a "glimpse" of him or her but I agree with you (2nd paragraph of "Singing my little songs") in the sense that writing ultimately has its limitations. It's hard to convey a person's  tone, inflection and mannerisms; what to speak of how honest about themselves someone may or may not be.

Although, I do believe that writing has its limitations, I also believe that for some people like myself, who rarely speaks his mind, writing is a way for people to get know the author more. Dr. Horne asked me why I like to write and one of the answers I gave her is because I have both an input and output jack and since they are there, I am compelled to use them.  I was also very introspective and not forthcoming with my feelings from the time my mother first was diagnosed with cancer when I was eight-years-old until around the age of 17, when I first started breaking out of it.  Although, I'm no longer that kind of "shy" person, I find that writing helps me to open up and say things that I would otherwise normally never say.  I also told her that I have the "Fever" and couldn't stop if I wanted to.  Something turned on inside of me about three years ago and I haven't been able to stop. It's like a possession.  Dr. Horne looked at my blogspots and seemed impressed enough to have something to go on outside of her experience with me in class, in order for her to write a compelling recommendation. 

The whole meeting took a while, and I didn't even come out of there with a recommendation in hand  due to her word processing program being on the fritz.  Hopefully, I will be able to collect the remaining pieces needed for my application today (Friday) and turn it in to the College on time.

I woke up early this morning in order to study for my Topics of Math quiz, get my documents together for my application to Journalism College, and do all the regular morning routines of scurrying around the house that I have become accustomed to.  Last night, Radha stayed with her mother, Glani stayed with her mother and Govinda and Shyam all stayed with their mothers.  As a result, I stayed alone.  Although, we are all generally in separate rooms, not seeing anyone around made me feel particularly alone last night.  While I need time alone to write, I realize that sometimes I do not feel very good when I'm by myself, especially at night. At least it is hard to get used to.  I really need a good balance of time by myself and time with people, otherwise I feel bereft. It's hard to admit but I guess it means I'm a social creature like everyone else.  I guess without two important components- namely people and the sun, this world would be very cold, dark and lonely.  Perhaps that's why so many people have an infinity to go to the beach with their friends.  It makes them feel secure.