Men's View of Valentine's Day

As another Valentine's Day approaches, I can't help but ponder what men really think about the day.  As I thought about what my wife and I would do this year, I decided to call a few of my male friends and ask them what they really thought about Valentine's Day.  I already had some distinct impressions in my own mind but I wanted to see if my friends were on the same page. When men talk to each other about such things there is an unspoken rule that it remain confidential, therefore the names will be withheld here to protect the guilty.

When I called, let's name him friend #1, his answer was direct and without hesitation, "I don't give a rat's ass about it."  I was stunned.  Not because he is in a committed relationship and never misses the "important" days like anniversaries, her birthday and Valentine's Day, but because that was the exact phrase that first came to my mind when I thought about it as well.

Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and we have had our share of romantic outings, but to have some day forced upon you with all the expectations that come with it, is more than a little annoying; it's pressure.  Valentine's Day, let's face it, should be called "Woman's Day" because on that day couples generally only do what the woman wants to do anyway.  First of all, the man is pretty much expected to buy a card, flowers, a gift, take her out to dinner and a show and perhaps a little mini-vacation.  These are all generally places she wants to go.  There can be no question of also doing something the man wants to do like go to a ball game or something because it would be deemed unromantic.

My wife always wants to go to the beach.  Now, I think the beach is nice but how long can a person really stay there before it becomes the same old same old?  The basic scenario when we go to the beach generally goes something like this:   "Okay honey, here we are.  Isn't this nice?"  "Yes, it's so nice."  "What do you want to do?" "Oh, just sit here for a while."  "Okay."  Then after we sit there for about an hour or so, I get a little bored.  I almost hope I'm going to see someone get bitten by a shark or something.  I then start to think that maybe if we take a walk it would be better.  You know, make the time pass by faster.  So we agree and walk for about half-an-hour in one direction.  At some point, I always suggest we start heading back.  After all, it will take another whole half-an-hour to do so.  "Let's just walk a little further," my wife says.  "Fine," I think.  After another ten minutes or so, we finally turn back.  By my calculation, we will be back in 40 minutes and have spent almost two-and-a-half hours at the beach.  "She should be happy with this," I think.  "Perhaps after this we can grab something to eat and go do something more interesting," I further calculate.  When we finally do get back, my stomach is really growling. I start putting the stuff away into the bag and my wife asks, "What are you doing?"  Suddenly, I realize the worst case scenario is coming true, she wants to stay even longer.  

"If I had my way we'd stay at the beach all day," she says.  "Well, if I had my way, we'd have been gone at least an hour ago," I counter.  Actually, I do really like the beach.  It's nice for a good walk or a swim when it's hot but it's not like I want to stay there perpetually.  I look around, see what there is to see and I'm ready for the next phase of the day.  I've got things to do.  

In relationships, you learn to compromise.  You each give a little and you enjoy the process of giving as well as the receiving of what you like.  But I think Valentine's Day is way over stacked in favor of woman.  If they just called it "Woman's Day" then I think I could surrender to it more.  I certainly am grateful for my wife being in my life and women in general.  They are attractive, nurturing, wise in a balancing way to men, raise our children, and juggle all those things while trying to have time to go after their own pursuits in life.  I wouldn't want to live without them, but the very idea of calling it Valentine's Day is misleading.  Wasn't Ruduolph Valentino a casanova anyway? What if men really decided to follow his example?  I don't think too many wives would be into Valentine's Day anymore if that were the case.  I say, just call it "Woman's Day" and be done with it.  Then I can properly psychologically prepare for it without any confusion or feeling that I've been tricked into something.

When I called friend #2 and asked him the same question, he gave the obvious answer and thing many people complain about, that Valentine's Day was created as another way for businesses to capitalize off of consumers, specifically men consumers.  As a former owner of a retail store, I can sympathize with this motivation.  After all, without such occasions there would be less jobs and the economy would be even more sluggish than it is now.  I also think that it's a good idea to appreciate each other and having a suggested day on the calendar to do so isn't the worst thing in the world.  The expectations that come with it are what are really bothersome to me, though.  Even if a man has a wife like mine, who is not emotionally demanding, if he doesn't "come through" with the goods on such a day, he feels like a louse or a failure in the game of life or something.  In many ways, I don't think that's really fair.

The most a man can get out of such a day is the satisfaction of making his woman feel good and perhaps a little physical pleasure at the end of jumping through all the hoops.  By that time, the man is probably so mentally and physically exhausted anyway, that he has already lost his Valentine's spirit.