Sorry to bore you with more weight loss stuff but I've had some realizations. Okay, I started at 249 and I'm now at 215, which means I've lost 34 pounds. Hooray. But when someone took some pictures of me yesterday, I looked at them and thought, "Boy, I am still fat." Does this reaction mean that I am not satisfied with my body and trying to come up to some ridiculous standard? Well, the answer is yes- I am not satisfied with the state of my body and the answer is no- I am not trying to come up to some ridiculous standard. I was just so far out there that it is taking sometime to get back to where I should be. In reality, I was ridiculously fat and just because I've lost a good amount of weight doesn't mean I'm no longer fat. It just means I'm less fat. While I'm encouraged that I have been able to lose what I have, I am not satisfied. Why? Because I'm still fat and I don't want to be fat.
According to standard calculations, someone who is my height and age should really weigh no more than 169 pounds if they want to minimize health risks. Well, that sounds about right to me because according to my estimation, I thought it would be nice to get down to at least 165 pounds when I first started my regimen. If that is indeed my target weight, then the implication is I have 34 pounds down and 50 pounds left to go. According to those numbers, I'm only 40 percent of the way there. Now 34 pounds is a lot of weight to have lost and I am happy and grateful about it. Also, I appreciate the encouragement and support I have received from others. When someone notices I have lost some weight, I can't help but cheer up a little. But the fact remains, if I really want to get down to an acceptable level, not only to my standards but what the general charts say, I will have to keep working at it for a long time. After that, I will have to continue to monitor myself as not to undo all the hard work. It's not going to be "Yippie, now please double-cheese the pizza," or anything close to that.
One of the reasons I think I can do it is because I have taken on a lifestyle where I am mostly mentally satisfied. I am not really depriving myself. I do have hunger attacks but I eat pretty much what I want to, I just eat less, I don't eat at night, and I exercise every day. That's it. Also, I've been doing it long enough now that I feel it is becoming a habit. Good habits are just as addictive as bad habits. I'm just so used to be addicted to bad habits that being addicted to a good habit is feeling a little strange right about now.
I'm going to be doing some hard traveling in the summer with a very nice guy who happens to be an avid eater. That is going to be quite a test. I think I will be able to get through the travels with determination. I will be able to hit the treadmill everyday at the hotel and hopefully do some other weight exercises to keep my body strong and in tone. While i can't expect to lose weight at the same clip as when I was at home, if I set a target to at least lose something modest, I will deem the trip a success from the health standpoint. May through August is going to be a long time but I am sure I will be okay if I stay sincere and keep up the good habits.
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1 comment:
Losing 34 pounds is no easy feat. I really believer the next 30-35 will be relatively easy. It's the last 10-15 that'll make you want to cry. What you wrote about habits is true. Maintain the habits and the weight will take care of itself, on its own timetable.
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